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Spokane, WA
This profile photo is my mom and me at the beach--she is 26 and I am about 18 months. LOVE the joy!! I am a mom of three and a teacher; being a teacher means I have to go back and cut the f-bombs. There were a few. Because Alzheimer's sucks badly. This blog, for nine years now--skipping a few while I was too cheap to buy my domain name-- helps me un-peel and process the endless layers of sad woven with weird and--impossibly--comedy.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Dalmatian Toadflax

My grief, as I've explained before, comes in metered doses. Perhaps it does for everyone. My little brother says it comes for him at inopportune moments. Like when he's out with friends. Yesterday, it came in our backyard strawberry patch. The plants have started coming up in the otherwise empty garden beds, and towering above one of them was a noxious weed called the Dalmatian Toadflax. I know about his invasive species-a plague to both wildflowers and home gardens-because the impulsive, dedicated removal of these stalks was my mom's final stand as an activist. She was always concerned about all aspects of the environment; a dedicated vegetarian not because she didn't enjoy the taste of meat, but because of the cruelty of the cattle industry, and the way it destroyed the water table..so anyway, she became vicious with these Dalmation Toadflax which in my neighborhood, with its plentiful open space, was often.
So I went and pulled the damn little weed and cried..deeply and hard..for about five minutes.
And I threw it in the green bin. And I was then in a space to write about memories of she and her mom, whose funeral was that day.
I miss Lynn. I miss her passion; I even miss her her bitchy tone (and apparently have it sometimes. WHATEVER!!) and her crappy driving. Even the charm of her with early dementia, when she tried to fake her way out of having forgotten something massively vital. I hear her voice when I go to see her, and I am glad when she laughs, and I pretend there is recognition but the lack of cohesive word strings always leaves me wanting.

P.S. The possible symbolism of me and my darling family getting ready to go on the trip of a lifetime being the strawberry patch and my mom sitting in a sad nursing home being the Toadflax? Yeah, I can consider that.

Thoughtful young me

Thoughtful young me

Seventies chicks

Seventies chicks
Me and my mom Lynn, 1973

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